30 Day Project/Challenge: Day 3

Being on a four day weekend doesn't give you a lot to write about...especially when you don't do much

1) Something you have to forgive yourself for

This is an easy one. I have to learn how to forgive myself for making mistakes. It doesn't matter if it is a HUGE one (I rarely make those) or teeny tiny one's that don't really matter, if I make a mistake I feel awful about it for a long long time (the bigger the mistake the longer I feel like crap). My parents have even said, as a child they were afraid to punish me and therefor didn't very much. They were not afraid because they wanted to be my "friends" or the cool parents and the "bad cop" would ruin that. They knew that as soon as they told me that I had made a mistake I would punish myself...and I would often punish myself too much. They feared what would happen with me punishing myself and they continued to punish me as well. They were probably trying to avoid this.

I, still to this day, hate making mistakes and try my hardest not too (I think we all try not to...I think I go overboard). This does lead to me making a lot fewer mistakes then my friends or co-workers so that is good, but when  I do make a mistake I think I am way to hard on myself. I can consciously tell you and believe that everyone makes mistakes and that if you don't make mistakes you won't learn anything and some of the fun in life is to make mistakes and live a little. Subconsciously, I feel every mistake is a let down or a disappointment. Who I am disappointing depends on who the mistake affects. It doesn't really matter who is being disappointed. I hate it just as much when my friends are disappointed rather then my parents. And I hate the disappointment in my boss like I hate it in my parents. I hate disappointing people; I feel that each disappointment equals a failure and makes whatever person less proud of me and for a girl who wants EVERYONE to be proud of her, this hurts.

In reality, probably none of these people have or will actually be disappointed in me or made to be less proud based on a simple mistake. I, however, never think/feel that when I have made a mistake. My thought process always goes straight to the fact that I have lost a friend over this error, made my parents disappointed, or my boss less proud and less likely to do something for me. What I need to do is learn how to forgive myself for making mistakes as we all do them and get my subconscious mind to believe my adult conscious mind

2) A photo that makes me happy

This is so hard because I have so many! I will try to go to the route of the "unexpected photo's that make me happy"

Brian and his nephew Spencer as a baby. He is going to make a great Daddy!

Two of my best friends getting married :)

Momma Cohen and Baby Franklin

Graduation portrayed by Nicole and Hess